Who Let the Fart Out? - a poem by Bert Pishle

Bad potatoes, broccoli
Another brown eye blinked?
All these and more are clever ways of acknowledging the stink

From burned out rubber, to dead roses
The aromas wide may vary
Depending on your last intake of vittles, stentch may tarry

Oh tire treads, oh skid marks
You grace my Hanes Her Way
How many times i regret saying, "Pass the beans this way."

But it is true as Father said
Beans the musical fruit
The more you eat the more you toot, and hence, the more you shoot

I never thought I'd mind so much
But twas on my first date
That naughty air biscuit made it's way on leather cushions as we ate

Did you know that there is nothing worse
Than farting on sqeaking leather, or hard wood?
I'm sorry to say but this first date had no happy endings, as it could

But thats alright I'm over it
He was a blubbery tycoon anyway
And so I thank you, my darling fart, for saving my ass that day

(Well....this is awkward)

Joint management

Because I only have so many clever ideas for posts in my head, I decide to extend the posting privliges, and now my dearest cousin Rebecca Hope Pishle (social security # 138-90-3423; address 347 Englewood NJ 00198; dog's name "Captain Obvious"; times when she is alone in a dark alley- 8-9 PM Mon-Thu, execpt on holidays...). So welcome Rebecca "Becky" Pishle to the blog!



Thank you ok.
Management





PS: the pictures are of my accomplice and I. Although both are slightly troubling, they describe our personalities and relationship perfectly.

i shave my arms and wax my eyebrows and wear sparkly bras under see through shirts

do those kids from nj ever get under your skin? you know, the girls who wear tight leggings with tunic tops secured at the waist by large and many times lavishly decorated belts, and ugg boots...with their maticulously highlighted hair flat ironed till it looks like it would crack if you were to bend it in half. and when they are drunk, they think the hottest dance move is hopping around with their butt sticking out and their arms in the air above their head yelling, "wooohoooo!" but that's not half as bad as what they wear to go clubbing. a sparkly sequined bra with a tight, sometimes see through tank top over it and a mini skirt which could be much more forgiving around the theighs, but since it is a mini skirt, it is not. fat girls, i'm sorry to be blunt but i keep it real.
as if this is not enought, they also go tanning and probably use the bronzing creams provided by the salon to give their skin an amusing orange tint that makes my toes curl if i stare too long. most of them have their nails done with silk wraps (white and pink) which for no aparent reason, has always annoyed me. i guess cause it means they pretty much can't do any real work or they 'might break a nail'.
this is also the reason i was never attracted to guys with especially soft hands...i don't know about you, but to me this says, "i've never done a day of hard work in my life." that is sad. and you know those kids growing up, who would boast about their allowence? how if they were good their parents would give them money. what an great way to encourage laziness. when i was growing up, i'd get dragged into the bathroom for a take-off-skin spanking if i was bad, and if i was good, my reward was....NO SPANKING! (and perhaps a smile and pat on the head) simple enough, no?
so now this leaves us with the issue of guidos. these are guys usually between the ages of 16-24 (anything aside from this age group is entirely innapropriate) they may or may not go tanning depending on their level of wannabe fag. they wear puma sneaker with tight stone washed jeans that usally have fake fade marks and/or holes in them. they maranade themselves in cologne and wear tight muscle shirts that have the potential to exentuate either their pecs or their man titties depending on if they work out and/or juice, (steroids) or just leave it to nature and mcdonnalds.
their myspace is is rittled with retared self taken photos of them standing in a towel infront of they're bathroom mirror or making kissy lips into their camera phone. how gay. and their response to everything in life? "Bro, that's hott." sometimes switched up with, "Dude, that's hott." how original! i mean, come on this is not paris hilton, people. (thank god) anyways to wrap up this post, may i add that these sad, sad creatures many times are going no where with their lifes, are drunk from thursday to sunday, feel the need to wax their eyebrows, and use excessive amounts of hair gel. for those of you who simpathize with the boys i'm refering to, i have three words for you: GET OVER IT. because i sure have.

thank you for your time, i feel much better now...like holding in pee for hours and finally being able to let it all out.
random fact of the day: yaks milk is pink.

Welcome to my site!

This site is dedicated to all of my random and extremely amusing raves and rants. Enjoy them and possibly comment if you care at all about seeing another post again. If you must ask, I came up with my title because there are so many of those moments. Whether it be that uncomfortable silence after you finish gossiping about someone, and realize they're standing right there; when you fart loudly during a prayer meeting; when you tell a racist black joke...and a black person suddenly walks in at the punch line; when someone you don't like tells you they are in love with you; etc. In all of these situation, the appropriate line to break the silence is, "Well....this is awkward."

Seeing as I am going to deal with many awkward and controversial subjects, such as disproving the saying "easy as pie," or what color socks Saddam Hussein was wearing at his execution, or searching for answers on the topic of "malnourished orphans in greene, ny," I thought the present title would permenantly and appropriately suffice.

Hope to hear from anyone who has a comment or a potential controverial topic that has not been thus mentioned.

Thank you for your time ok.
Manegement.

Celebrity Look-alikes

I was recently looking at photos of some of my family members, and I suddenly realized that many of them looked like a celebrity or fictional character. What an amazing idea for a first post! So here it is, guys and girls (and any who are not certain which), celebrity look-alikes-->

In the Top Picture:
2 especially cute monkeys


In the Bottom Picture:
Now don't tell me you can't see the resemblance. I mean, observe the squinting eyes and jowely cheeks! AMAZING.







Now don't tell me you don't see the similarities. JUST DON'T!

Wow...uhh...this is awkward.